Synergistic Emotion

It has been the most synergistically emotional of any of my moves. In the past, yes, I have definately felt emotional: mostly the anxiety, anger and terror of ripping my roots out of the ground, once again. But, the past moves were very individualistic. Very self-centered; completely focused on me and how I would feel. I never considered how my move would affect those around me. The people I had become associated with, become attached to, become a part of the lives of...

The first people I told responded with such dismay, that I was angered. Why wasn't she simply happy that I was leaving. Why was she talking about the loss for her child, and for my child? Oh, I realized as I thought more about it; she is sad I am leaving. She was sad, and so were other people. Shocked that I would ever leave our community of friends, family, and classmates.

This shared sadness was new to me. I had always left when everyone else was leaving. Or, as in the last Escape from New York, we told no one. Not even our parents. Not until the last moment. Many friends we left behind without a word, without a good-bye. I never gave anyone a chance to tell me how it felt for them to be left by me. I did not think that my life held that much significance in other peoples hearts and minds. I am touched, truly. But, I am also that much more sadened by others sadness.

I started to try to balance the sadness out with excitement by telling strangers about the move. "Oh, that sounds exciting," they would tell me. And, "I wish I was going off on an adventure."

And maybe that is what it was, with the friends as well. Not so much a sadness, but a disappointment with their own disatisfaction with life. As I have been reading in Ferriss' book, it is not so much "happiness" that we seek from our lives, but "excitement". To quote my own mother after I told her the news (yes, I've told my family this time that I am leaving): "You certainly have an exciting life."

So much of our upbringing is about setting a course for the future, rather than a course for adventure. Settling down, setting roots in one place to create stability and familiarity. However, familiarity breeds discontent. Being too focused on what we have known for 10, 20 even 60 years, makes it so difficult to find new friends. It is impossible to change our minds about what we believe to be true. To understand another person's viewpoint - to be open to the experience of life.

This move is for that reason. To open to the East. My mind and culture has been moulded solely on the land of the Anglo-Saxon Protestant world. From Canada, to the USA, to London, England. I have met many people and learned of other cultures, however, I have never been immersed completely. Now I will immerse myself in this culture that I have admired and studied through religious beliefs, meditation techniques, martial arts and medical practices. Let's see where it takes me and my family this time; let's see what new emotions I will experience.